Kids VS. Technology Part II

If you haven’t checked out part one to this post please feel free to check it out first here!¬†It will make it easier to follow and understand this post.

In the last blog post I mentioned that we would be going on a 30 day media black out and sure enough we did! We made it an entire month without social media. It really was not as hard as I anticipated. I did miss the adult interaction that I got from it but I did not miss the time it took away from my family. I can honestly say it really improved things in our house! Don’t believe me? Try it yourself! ūüôā

Just a few ways it helped our family:
My house stayed cleaner! Instead of searching through Facebook while cooking dinner I was able to start a load of laundry. When I usually would be flipping through Instagram I was now sweeping the floor. When not constantly looking at my phone I was able to see just one more smile from one of my children or have a conversation with my husband while laying in bed. All things I had taken for granted before.

Like I said before, technology is amazing! I cannot and will not disagree with that but it is NOT everything! It is getting in the way of husbands and wives, parents and children, its even put before you animals! Did I mention how much drama I saved myself by being away from social media? A TON! I added back my Facebook today and was “informed” of all that I had missed while gone, the funny thing is that I really didn’t care! It was actually a relief that I did not have to witness or be a part of such petty nonsense.

Do you know the impact our 30 day media black out had on our children? We were able to work with our oldest son on his letters, numbers, and writing. He can now write his name better than I can write mine. Our stubborn twin that refused to walk is now taking steps all because we started working with him in our free time instead of looking through our phones. Our non talker is now signing words! He knows quite a few signs! All of this because we sat down our phones for ONE month! Imagine what we could do in 3 months, or 6 months, or even a year!

When I think about all of the times my phone came before my children I am truly ashamed with myself as a person and as a mother. That is NOT the kind of parent I wanted to be and I will not be that person again. My children deserve better than that. My family deserves better than that.

I will not go into the details of just how it helped my marriage but I will say this, in 7 years of our relationship I did not realize just how much we had changed as individuals and as a couple until we put down our phones. Not in a bad way, but it was different. Our conversations are about different things, we do things differently together, and we react to one another completely different. Again, all things I had taken for granted. I just assumed that he didn’t want to discuss how his day was when in reality all he wanted was for me to ask and he wanted to hear about mine! Even the scary poop stories that I share in full detail! These things did not appeal to him before but they did now and somewhere along the way I lost sight of that. I lost sight of a lot of things.

Will I check Facebook again? Sure! But I will make sure it is not getting in the way of my family any longer. We all deserve that much at the very least.

If you have followed along or are wanting to try it out please let me know your results as well! I would love to hear how it has impacted other families! Lets not let technology run and ruin our lives any longer!

Much love,

SHM

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All Touched Out Today

Having kids puts a huge strain on marriage in more ways than one. This isn’t some huge top secret information, just ask any married couple with children. Its hard on many aspects of marriage. It pushes couples to stand together even if in doubt, to stay strong, to put themselves aside for the sake of another human being. Sometimes this takes a toll on the couples sex life.¬†I can attest to this. From experience after our first child was born our sex life took a HUGE nose dive. By the end of the day I was just all “touched” out. I had¬†changed, loved on, ¬†hugged, kissed, and soothed K from the moment we woke until the moment he fell asleep in my arms that night. I was covered in baby¬†vomit, food, and who knows what¬†else. ¬†By the end of the night I didn’t want to be touched anymore.

The thought of having to touch someone else or make someone else happy was utterly exhausting to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t WANT to make my husband happy I just didn’t feel like I had it in me to give myself over to another person that day. To surrender myself over to him when all I really wanted was a nice long bath, 5 minutes to read a book in peace and hopefully get a full nights rest. I wanted my husband to be happy but I couldn’t find it in myself to give up that 5 minutes of me time to make him happy. Not to mention how I felt when I looked in the mirror. I was NOT the person he married, physically or mentally. I now had stretch marks, an extra 20 lbs, and I just did not feel “sexy” in my own skin. If I didn’t find myself sexy I didn’t believe he would either.

This man made sacrifices for me daily. He worked 16+ hours a day and came home to a tired wife and grumpy child. He did bath time and bed time without complaint and even went above and beyond for me. He was putting in all this effort and all he asked for in return was to be touched and cuddled and I couldn’t find it in myself to give it to him.

It wasn’t until a very horrible argument that I started seeing what the lack of intimacy was doing to my marriage. After all this is the man that gave me such amazing children. How could I be so selfish to put my own wants and needs in front of his? My husband has never asked for much from me. He simply needs a little love and attention sometimes. It is his love language actually. And for me to ignore that made me feel like the worst person in the world.

I vowed that night to try to change things. I wanted to make this man happy. After all he did for our family it really was the least I could do. So I started making it a routine. I know this sounds like a ridiculous idea¬†but it truly did save my marriage. I would prepare that day by doing the normal female things. I would shower, shave, pick out something sexy to wear under my clothes and I would send him a naughty text to let him know I was thinking of him. Once home and the daily to do list was done I would then take him to bed. In the beginning I really wasn’t in the mood. I would argue with myself daily and say “JUST DO IT! Just do it for him! Do it for the man you love!” and that little ritual worked. It took about two months of doing this at least twice a week to regain my sex drive. But I started to look forward to these days, to making my husband happy, because the harder I tried to make him happy the harder he tried to do the same but in his own ways.

Do I still feel all touched out some days? Heck yea! Fast forward 3 years and a set of twins later and I totally feel this way a lot. But I do not let it stop me from making him happy. Sex is what made the children but it doesn’t have to stop just because the ‘job’ is done. Intimacy and sex are key elements in a marriage, don’t let life get in the way of that. Even if you have to plan it as I did, your marriage will prosper from it.

 

Much love,

SHM

Adventures and Misfortunes of Twinhood

Tonight something happened to me that I just have to laugh at. One of those belly aching laughs that you can’t control. I literally laughed so hard I was crying big crocodile tears. If you have issues with anything gross that’s baby related this is not the blog post for you.

I would not say we are the definition of attachment parenting¬†¬†but we do tend to lean that way a bit. So once a week or so I like to enjoy some play time with my 1 year olds in the bath. It also makes bath time easier as my growing belly makes it hard to bend that far anymore. Its kind of their special mommy time. ¬†Tonight was that one night of the week. We were all preparing to get in the tub when my husband walks in and gasps. I turn quickly because he’s not the overly dramatic type and what do I find? Not just ONE baby is sitting on the bathroom floor rolling in¬†feces but TWO babies are sitting in the floor rolling in one of their poops. Now which baby did the deed the world may never know. How my pregnant nose did not catch them before this point is astounding to me.

I wanted to be mad. I wanted to puke my guts out but there they were, covered from head to toe in baby poop, wide eyed and wearing a big ole grin. How, even at this very horrible point in time, can you look at them and not laugh or enjoy the pure innocence of these children? Only at one will they do such silly things and it be so comical. I couldn’t help but giggle hysterically as my husband and I cleaned them off and he continuously groaned saying “this is SO nasty!”. He didn’t find the humor in it but I sure did.

After having cleaned up their mess we finished our bath with more giggles and laughs. My husband just kept asking if I wanted to bathe with two poopy babies.¬†As if I would let that stop me.¬†¬†I’m scared of two things in life and poop isn’t one of them. Probably why the big man upstairs decided I needed so many kids so close together. Only the strong can overcome the poop messes. Ha!

Being a twin mom has its very hard days. But I have learned that if you do not¬†laugh at the little things it makes the big things ten times harder to overcome. So laugh¬†it off and enjoy their innocence while it lasts. ¬†A little poop never hurt anyone after all.¬†ūüėČ Haha.

 

Much love from me and these goofy little boys. ūüôā

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To the sad SAHM

 

“Just stay home” they said. “It will be fun” they said. “You will love it” they said. Well excuse me for a moment but WHO THE HELL ARE ‘THEY’?!

Don’t get me wrong. Being a stay at home mom is a blessing. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford for me to stay home with our children as I had always dreamed I would. The idea of being a stay at home mother is amazing. I will cook fancy dinners, make sure the house is organized and spotless at all times, my husband will never go without a warm meal and clean clothes and blah blah blah. In my head I had planned out this fantasy world that we would live in where everything would be perfect.

 

When reality hit I was not expecting it. My husband came home and there were dirty dishes in the sink, two out of three of our children were crying in the floor and I was sitting right along with them sobbing my eyes out. I was up with sick twins twice every hour of the night, up early with the third who demanded Youtube videos before the sun was up, and I was beginning to get sick. All day the twins demanded to be held and screeched when I walked out of sight to pee in peace, as if that’s a thing in our house. I had forgotten to take something out for dinner and was feeling really bad. So after their ten billionth melt down of the day I decided we all needed to sit and just cry together. So that is where my poor husband found us, all sitting on the floor together in a puddle of tears.

 

It was that night that I realized that I was suffering in silence. I had built up this beautiful life in my head and when I was not able to live up to that fairy tale I wasn’t sure how to deal. I had gotten into a slump. I stopped caring about myself and my happiness and I put everyone and everything first. I didn’t realize until that day just how hard being a stay at home parent, or just a parent in general, could take a toll on you physically and mentally. I was sad. I was tired. I was beat down and underappreciated. The thing is, I was doing it to myself! My husband is a great provider and a nurturer. I knew that if I went to him and told him how I felt he would be 100% supportive in every way but I didn’t want to burden him with ‘home life’. After all he was the sole provider for our family and had enough going on. As long as he was taken care of and our kids were happy that I would ‘make do’.

 

To the sad stay at home mom:
I know how you feel. I know that you love your kids more than anything else in the world. I know you want to do what is best for them and sometimes that means putting yourself on the back burner but not ALWAYS. You, Mom, are important too! Your happiness and your health is just as important as that of your husband and your childrens. You deserve happiness. If mommy isn’t happy how do you expect to raise happy children? They will feed off of your energy. It’s ok to be tired, to have a bad day, to fall down but always always ALWAYS get back up and do what is good for you. Don’t read them that second bedtime story, they wont remember it tomorrow. Go take a hot shower and enjoy the quiet. Learn to love yourself and put yourself first again. Love yourself so you can love them better. It may not seem important but having a happy mother is more important to your children than you may realize. Know your worth. You are irreplaceable. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You MATTER too!

 

Below I¬†have provided a list of things that I have found help me on the days when I feel utterly helpless. Give a few a try. They say it takes atleast 30 days to create a routine. So if it doesn’t work right away don’t give up! Try it out for at least a month!

 

  • Take a hot shower after the kids go to bed. Enjoy some alone time.
  • Read a book. Start a new hobby. Do something with no other purpose other than to make you happy.
  • Walk out of the room. When your kids are screaming and you feel like you are losing your mind it is OKAY to walk away for a moment and breathe. Gather yourself before returning.
  • Once a month plan a date night. Get a babysitter and plan¬†a night to get dressed up and do something you enjoy with the man you love.
  • Take a walk. Get out in the fresh air and walk around the block. It has been proven that the sun itself can be an antidepressant.
  • Stay OFF social media sights. You can get too caught up with what everyone else has/is doing that you forget how blessed YOU are.
  • Plan mommy and me dates. Take them out for ice cream. Watch them smile. Let them be a source of your happiness as well.
  • Turn up the music and dance. Dance alone. Dance with your spouse. Dance with your kids. Just dance. Feel the music and enjoy yourself.
  • Get dressed in the mornings. Its easy to get busy and forget to take care of yourself but getting up and getting ready will help the way that you feel about yourself.
  • Schedule play dates somewhere other than home. Get out with your kids and have some adult time with other like minded Moms who can semi relate to what you are going through. It gives your kids time to play and burn energy and gives you the social time that every mommy needs.

 

Do you have specific things you do to brighten your day and make it a good one? Care to share? Please leave a comment! We would love to hear from you!