“Just stay home” they said. “It will be fun” they said. “You will love it” they said. Well excuse me for a moment but WHO THE HELL ARE ‘THEY’?!
Don’t get me wrong. Being a stay at home mom is a blessing. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford for me to stay home with our children as I had always dreamed I would. The idea of being a stay at home mother is amazing. I will cook fancy dinners, make sure the house is organized and spotless at all times, my husband will never go without a warm meal and clean clothes and blah blah blah. In my head I had planned out this fantasy world that we would live in where everything would be perfect.
When reality hit I was not expecting it. My husband came home and there were dirty dishes in the sink, two out of three of our children were crying in the floor and I was sitting right along with them sobbing my eyes out. I was up with sick twins twice every hour of the night, up early with the third who demanded Youtube videos before the sun was up, and I was beginning to get sick. All day the twins demanded to be held and screeched when I walked out of sight to pee in peace, as if that’s a thing in our house. I had forgotten to take something out for dinner and was feeling really bad. So after their ten billionth melt down of the day I decided we all needed to sit and just cry together. So that is where my poor husband found us, all sitting on the floor together in a puddle of tears.
It was that night that I realized that I was suffering in silence. I had built up this beautiful life in my head and when I was not able to live up to that fairy tale I wasn’t sure how to deal. I had gotten into a slump. I stopped caring about myself and my happiness and I put everyone and everything first. I didn’t realize until that day just how hard being a stay at home parent, or just a parent in general, could take a toll on you physically and mentally. I was sad. I was tired. I was beat down and underappreciated. The thing is, I was doing it to myself! My husband is a great provider and a nurturer. I knew that if I went to him and told him how I felt he would be 100% supportive in every way but I didn’t want to burden him with ‘home life’. After all he was the sole provider for our family and had enough going on. As long as he was taken care of and our kids were happy that I would ‘make do’.
To the sad stay at home mom:
I know how you feel. I know that you love your kids more than anything else in the world. I know you want to do what is best for them and sometimes that means putting yourself on the back burner but not ALWAYS. You, Mom, are important too! Your happiness and your health is just as important as that of your husband and your childrens. You deserve happiness. If mommy isn’t happy how do you expect to raise happy children? They will feed off of your energy. It’s ok to be tired, to have a bad day, to fall down but always always ALWAYS get back up and do what is good for you. Don’t read them that second bedtime story, they wont remember it tomorrow. Go take a hot shower and enjoy the quiet. Learn to love yourself and put yourself first again. Love yourself so you can love them better. It may not seem important but having a happy mother is more important to your children than you may realize. Know your worth. You are irreplaceable. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You MATTER too!
Below I have provided a list of things that I have found help me on the days when I feel utterly helpless. Give a few a try. They say it takes atleast 30 days to create a routine. So if it doesn’t work right away don’t give up! Try it out for at least a month!
- Take a hot shower after the kids go to bed. Enjoy some alone time.
- Read a book. Start a new hobby. Do something with no other purpose other than to make you happy.
- Walk out of the room. When your kids are screaming and you feel like you are losing your mind it is OKAY to walk away for a moment and breathe. Gather yourself before returning.
- Once a month plan a date night. Get a babysitter and plan a night to get dressed up and do something you enjoy with the man you love.
- Take a walk. Get out in the fresh air and walk around the block. It has been proven that the sun itself can be an antidepressant.
- Stay OFF social media sights. You can get too caught up with what everyone else has/is doing that you forget how blessed YOU are.
- Plan mommy and me dates. Take them out for ice cream. Watch them smile. Let them be a source of your happiness as well.
- Turn up the music and dance. Dance alone. Dance with your spouse. Dance with your kids. Just dance. Feel the music and enjoy yourself.
- Get dressed in the mornings. Its easy to get busy and forget to take care of yourself but getting up and getting ready will help the way that you feel about yourself.
- Schedule play dates somewhere other than home. Get out with your kids and have some adult time with other like minded Moms who can semi relate to what you are going through. It gives your kids time to play and burn energy and gives you the social time that every mommy needs.
Do you have specific things you do to brighten your day and make it a good one? Care to share? Please leave a comment! We would love to hear from you!